my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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