In the future we'll all be gay
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
