maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I would fuck him just for his dog
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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