I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
