I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
