He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
