apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I came so hard my ears popped.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
