did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just threw up on my dentist
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
