Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i dont even know how to be here
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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