Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
thus making me awesome and them whores
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
