Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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