College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
