Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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