i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
