There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
