I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
