You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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