And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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