Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
