it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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