By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
