so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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