I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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