I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
