Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
