Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
