I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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