she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
