i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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