TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
