I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
