whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
