well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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