It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
