i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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