If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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