Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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