I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
