brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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