new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
