he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
