do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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