She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
