at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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