people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
