Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
