i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
