she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
