the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
