i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
