is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
