is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
