I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
