Sponge bath it is.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
