I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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